There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
