You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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