Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize