I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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