You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
