WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
