i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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