Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
