Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
