M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I love having hate sex.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Someone signed my nipple.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
