WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
