I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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