The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
