so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
