So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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