I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
