i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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