I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
