Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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