Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
