So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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