i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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