so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
