She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
