My cat gives me a boner
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
