thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
