Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
should my penis look like a turkey
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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