It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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