I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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