Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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