don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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