I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
