My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
