I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
