Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
