had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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