As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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