i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He did a backflip because drugs
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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