If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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