you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
