and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
