my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
