my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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