he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
