Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
