last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
