If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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