so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
