a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Your cock deserves a montage
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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