At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
they're like a gay fantastic four
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
