then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize