I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
