I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize