i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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