Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
