I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
