your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
