So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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