I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
