Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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