I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
