I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
