Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
