my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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