my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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