Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
