She's like a pop up book from hell.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
