i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
