i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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