I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
