I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize