Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
