Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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