either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i need an iv and a liver transplant
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
