I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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