Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
