You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
